We have here a most precious promise which will be fulfilled to those who let the truth abide in them.... We must wait for God to reveal his plan, that our life may be the unveiling of the character of Christ (Michael). YI 9-27-94.
Hannah (17 yrs. of age)
Father has been showing me myself, and what a god I have been. He has turned on the light and opened my eyes. I have bowed down and worshiped self, not realizing it, because I have been so blinded. Father has truly opened my blind eyes and unstopped my deaf ears.
Father shows me things, then causes me to yield them up, along with my feelings and thoughts and everything that may be with what He is showing me to yield up.
Self seems to go on forever. This god I have worshiped is a big and demanding god. My self is out to serve itself.
Father showed me that I have only loved Michael with a human love. Michael has told us these things, but it was not until Father stepped in and turned on the lights, that I grasped and understood what Michael has been saying from the beginning.
Through this whole time in this new land, Father would bring me things to yield up, like my family and heaven. I thought I had yielded everything up, but I know I was not ready for the marriage.
Father prayed through me for plenty of oil, a pure wedding garment, and for Him to do what was necessary so that I would be prepared to marry His Son, Michael.
I was trying hard to get ready for the wedding, then Father showed me that I cannot get myself ready. No amount of trying would prepare me. Then Father brought me to a place of yielding to His hand, and that He is the only One Who could get me ready. He is the only One Who could show me this god that I have obeyed and served.
Father, through these revelations about myself, has showed me the enormity and the evil of self. Father causes me to give the things He is showing me to Him, along with all the feelings and thoughts that are accompanying them. Then He brings me into His Faithful arms of restful, quiet nothingness.
All that matters now is Father, whatever He wants, and whatever will bring glory to His Holy name. If I am lost, I'm lost; if I am saved, I'm saved; whatever He sees will glorify Him. If I am married, it will be to His glory, and if He sees fit that I am left desolate, then so be it.
Father showed me that Michael is the only One that will be, and is, married. Self must die before I can get married, for the Spirit of Michael will only marry an empty soul.
One day I felt I didn't have praise for Him and maybe I should be more joyful. Father immediately showed me that He will take care of what I am supposed to feel. Father is the one that supplies everything I need, because it is Father that has brought me to a place of emptiness. The place Father has brought me into is a quiet, desolate place. At the same time I feel His loving arms drawing me close into His very being, and burying me in His heart.
Right now I am just resting in this quiet empty place. Father has brought me this far and He continues to show me things to give up. I am in a place where all I can say is, "Here I am, Lord. It is only You Who can save me. It is You only Who can bring Your will to pass. All I want is what You want. Do with me as You wish."
Father brought this back to me yesterday, as I was being drawn into Him, and as He was causing me to see and feel Michael's love deeper then ever before:
"A man had a vision from the Lord which opened up to him the love of the Son of God. Father brought him to a planet similar to the earth, but instead of people on it, all that inhabited it were dogs. The dogs were not very peaceful. They were growling and fighting and trying to save their own lives. Father told this man that he would like him to go to that planet and show them how much Father loved them. Father wanted this man to be their Savior. But there was one thing that he would have to sacrifice. He would have to become a dog; and not only that, but he would have to remain a dog forever. He would have to yield up his life for them and die for them, so that thy could be saved from their lost condition."
O, the Love of God, who can fathom it? It is so broad, so deep, so long as eternity. Father drew very close and broke my heart to see what Michael has done for me, and what He is doing just to save me. O, the height and depth, the length and breath of Michael's love. O, that I had truly believed His words from the beginning. Thank You for stepping in and being my belief, Michael, for touching and revealing the hurt; then for the Spirit of Your mighty healing breast pressing in, to my very most private parts. O, for more capacity to love You more; for more of Your emptiness, so that I can receive more of Your Spirit in me. Come, Consuming Fire, devour every thing that is not of Your very Self. Hannah
It is because we do not know God...that his abasement does not lead every soul to the humbling of self, to the exalting of Jesus (Michael). The Lord calls upon you to humble yourselves under his mighty hand, that you may be partakers of his holiness. You are not to be above your Master, but as he was, so are you to be in the world. O, if you loved him as he has loved you, you would not shrink from a knowledge of the dark chapters of the experience of the Son of God. PH118 20.
Blessed Quietness
I heard the Father's words, strong, clear and melodious, more plainly than a human voice, "Jesus Christ is come in the flesh." This was the first day that Michael had quietly shared with me that Messiah had come - in his flesh. As He told me what had happened, I knew it in my spirit immediately, but Father confirmed it with the above words a few hours later as I was driving. I was not only given to hear the words, but to see them, as they were placed distinctly in my mind's eye. Father's personal confirmation of Michael's word thrilled my soul. I felt the rejoicing of His heart, so pleased to be able to make this announcement,"Jesus Christ is come in the flesh."
Along with the words came a vision of Michael's face, beautiful beyond description, as only the Father can show it to a soul, all gloriously lit up, from within and without. Every detail was sharply impressed upon my mind. Every line, every feature was crisp and clear and had Life in it. The words, the vision of Michael's face, and a knowing came at the same time -- the knowing that Messiah had not only come in the flesh of this man, but Father's intent was that "this same Jesus" would arise from within all who would receive Him.
All of this light was pouring in! Father gifted to me a time of basking in this Light, in preparation for what it would actually mean in my personal life. There was no hint of the terrors to come.
After Messiah's appearing, a great, aching longing to know Father intimately, was strongly awakened in me. All of a sudden, my cozy home began to feel cramped and restrictive, as if I could not find Him in the daily round of duties "expected" of a single mother of two adolescent daughters. I had to have more time alone with Him. He put it in my heart that I could have more quiet time with Him if I set up a tent away from my "normal" settings. I did, and things were never the same again.
Once I got the tent set up, it was almost as if I could hear Him calling me, and I had to go there and just be quiet. It was as if He had cords around my heart and was pulling them toward Him. Looking back on it now, I realized I was living the fulfillment of Hosea 11:4: "I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love, and I was to them as one who lifts up and eases the yoke over their cheeks, and I bent down to them..." It was so precious.
Then, without any warning, a prayer for divorce was put in me. It was a strong impulse that could not be ignored, yet the prayer that the Holy Spirit breathed through me was quiet, on purpose, and in perfect harmony with the ways of heaven. Father was so close that I knew it was from Him. In prayer, He presented a face before me, my own face, and with that, camethe knowing that this prayer was about being divorced from myself, from all that I had known, and from all that I had identified as who I am. What was before me was a picture and understanding bigger than I ever could have painted myself. For a moment, I had heaven's view of all of my relationships with people. I could clearly see how I had messed them up, and that is how it came to me that I needed a divorce from my "self." I had to be divorced from the "me" in my relationships with them, and they had to be released from the "me" in them.
One of those relationships that required a complete separation was the "loving" mother that I thought I was. My own acceptability was so wrapped up in my children, and how they acted and looked in the eyes of others, that I had created a kingdom of "obedience" where they obeyed so they wouldn't get in trouble, and not because they loved me. Though not always overt, this "reign," often just appeared to be me, doing what was expected of a mother, at least in my own eyes. ...Keep the children from behaving inappropriately, make sure they know their memory verses, don't allow any disobedience under any circumstances... But how this was accomplished makes all the difference between living with the children in heaven or suffering with them in hell. Soul-control, by being someone else's Holy Spirit, can never create heaven in a soul. I did not see all this clearly at the time.
More and more I spent time away from home, as the Lord was moving in my heart and instructing me in ways I had not allowed Him to before. I trembled as I began to see the enormity of my crimes against the souls of my children. My eyes were opened and my earth did shake terribly. Never was there a time of trouble such as this. I knew I must give the children up...forever....hand them over to Another who would love them into the kingdom of God....But how would that "look" to others? Wouldn't I be a bad mother if I stopped "mothering" them? Who would I be if I weren't their mother? How could I get to heaven if I neglected my duties? These and a myriad of other thoughts whirled around in my mind, but the compelling and determined movements of the Lord brought me to the place of knowing that if I did not separate, I would be in rebellion to Him.
Michael had told us all that in order to have heaven, we must relinquish ownership of all we had, and give everything to Him, especially our families, as He was the only one Who could love them and keep them. I was beginning to see how very true that was. As much as I knew how to, I gave the children to Michael. I thought I had done it completely.
The work that the Father was doing in the land was a very individual work. Some people didn't have to actually separate physically in order to relinquish their unheavenly hold on their family members. But for me, in this excellent, awe-ful work of separation from the earth, Father showed me that in order to give the children to Michael completely, I would have to be out of their lives altogether, REALLY! Michael had already spoken with me about this matter and He promised to be their Father. I wanted them to have Him as a Father. I had seen and heard enough from Michael, and the witness in myself of who He was, rang out in clear unmistakable tones as to His nature. His only interest in having my family was to keep them, and me, safe. Only in giving them to Him, really, could we be a real family in the way the Lord intended.
I remember quite clearly the day I finally relinquished my hold on my children. My older daughter and I had had a disagreement, and I knew I was wrong. I could not humble myself and say it out loud, but I saw clearly. When my daughter visited with Michael, He simply assured her that she did not have to remain in the presence of controversy. In discussing it with Him, He told me quietly, "The only problem is that you have not fully given the children to Me. If you had, you would not be having these difficulties." Both girls were standing with us as we talked. I put my arms around them and gently urged them over to Him. He took them and escorted them to His home, and my heart was glad. It was a symbolic act, but fulfilled in a very real way.
My divorce proceedings had begun. I was now divorced from my children and would no longer over-control them to fit my picture of who they should be and how they should behave. I would no longer intrude into the most holy place of their soul - the place where they hear Father's voice for themselves. When I acted from myself and my own impulses rather than only acting and speaking to them when Father gave me clear instruction, I had interposed myself between them and Father's voice.
The work of this undoing could not be accomplished in the familiar setting. My "smotherly" impulses were too strong to remain still and quiet in their immediate presence, while waiting on Father to "do something about these children!" So He mercifully removed me from the scene, as He paternally tended to their souls. I was beginning to be pried away from my poor cheap "self."
What was required, was to seek first the kingdom Father had already established within me, to lay aside all that obscured the vision of heaven in my family, and to die to all that I was, in order that we might enter into the place He had prepared for us since the beginning of the beginning. The Lord told me that this was the beginning of "earthquakes in divers places," signifying the end of the world as I had known it.
How beautiful it all appears now, on the other side. It is over a year since the beginning of the overturning. Only the Lord could have done such an holy thing as accomplishing the separation of my "self," from me, and break down the barriers I had erected in my definition of "mother." Detached from the entanglement of self (self-interest, possessiveness, control of another soul), the children and I sing a new song together. It is the song of the Lamb, and we follow Him wherever He goes.
Lord, Your ways are not my ways. I could only agree to do what was required, which was surely the words of Your own Spirit coming out of my mouth, and You brought the fulfillment. Blessed Quietness
And I will give them one heart and one way, that they may reverentially fear Me forever, for the good of themselves and of their children...And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will not turn away from following them to do them good...I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. Jer. 32:39-41 Amplified & RSV.
Praise
Just a few days after arriving in the New Land, before any of us had a clue about what was really going to take place here, I was out walking on the road one balmy night. I was in a rare place of being very quiet that night, and my heart was turned toward God, my thoughts on nothing in particular, when quite suddenly He spoke to me in thunder tones, saying, "You must love only Me." Loud and clear, it came so suddenly through the quiet.
What "thunder" means to me is just the greatness of it, that I am hearing and recognizing in my spirit the voice of God Himself, the God of the Universe - and the wonder and mercy I feel that He is talking to ME, and that He has made me able to hear it. What He said was such a revolutionary concept to my little world, that I perceived it in my spirit like a "great voice" (like in Rev 19:1) billowing down through the silences of eternity. God speaks in a still small voice, and yet in thunder tones at the same time. And though He has spoken to me for many years, sometimes it still thrills me as if it were the first time. That is how it seemed that night.
Looking back on it later, viewing it through spiritual eyes, it seemed to me like the Damascus road scene of long ago, when Saul of Tarshish was also struck by a blinding light and arrested by a voice from heaven. Little did I know then, that the Father was opening up to me, in a way that I could never attribute to the bright ideas or mind of man, what was to become the grand theme of our time of being fed in the wilderness.
Our minds can give mental assent to truth when it is recognized and received intellectually, only later to doubt it, adjust it, or throw it out altogether, when it doesn't serve our self-interest, or, wave it piously as a banner if it does. But when Light pierces the heart as a direct revelation from God, as lightening flashing from the east to the west, then it is like an anchor to the soul, and it is ours forever. It is like that good part that Mary chose, "which shall not be taken away from her." This is how the light has come to me that has shown upon every step of our uncharted pathway here in this wilderness place.
After He told me I must love only Him, He showed me what that looked like, and it was 180 degrees the opposite from all I had ever known. My mother, father, and husband came before my mind, and He showed me all I had ever had for them was human love, which had in it, attachment, fear, and self-interest, and thus essentially was not love at all. He showed me that in order to love Him, to really worship Him as God alone, which is "the first and great commandment," I had to actually stop "loving" everyone else. And then He showed me what that meant: Giving them all up, letting them all go, cutting every "tender tie" I had ever had with anybody, to give all the loyalties of my heart to God and concern myself only with His sweet will alone.
It was a shocking, blinding light indeed, as I came face to face with the reality that when Jesus said, "If any man come to me and HATE not his father and mother, and wife and children, brethren and sisters, yea and his own life also, he CANNOT be my disciple," - He MEANT it. "No man can serve two masters [God and man]: for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other." Then He told me that when I loved only Him, then HE would love these people through me with REAL love - a love that is attached to no one, afraid of no one, needs nothing from anyone, and so is freely able to lay down its own life for all.
Some time after the revelation on the road, some of the human relationships in the land began to experience this very overturning, as God began to take His rightful place on the throne of the heart. And again, I was eyewitness to the shocking reality of what He was beginning to do in this land, what He absolutely HAD to do, to save us.
A woman who had awakened to begin worshipping God instead of her earthly husband, was visiting me in my home, when her husband came to the door looking for her. In the brief interchange that took place between them there, I saw that he was used to dominating her, and that he could do so no longer, and his great, long-standing kingdom of power was crumbling before his very eyes. As I looked into his face in that moment of deep anguish and utter, indescribable frustration, I saw deep into his soul, deep into MY soul, and deep into the very soul of man. I saw therein take place the heaving earthquake of the great and terrible day of the Lord, when "He comes whose right it is to reign." Ezek. 21:27.
It would be impossible to put into words the awful reality of what was revealed to me in that man's face, but it affected me deeply. I had to go out for a walk to "deal with it." I said to the Lord, "Oh, Lord, has it come to this?" And He answered me, "It has come to whatever it takes for every man."
Less than two months later, my own husband was gone. The time of the final showdown over who would reign in every heart had come, and it was just too close to home for this man, tormented by his own rebellion, and so he ran.
The day before he left, knowing he was going and knowing that it was the right thing for both of us, in one moment I looked at him and made a decision. In that moment it was as if I were standing on a line between heaven and earth, and it was being required of me to choose which place I was going to view this from. All the power of my emotions and my deep attachment to this man screamed, "How can I let you go?" I loved him more than anything else on this earth, or so it felt. But I made the choice that I knew I had to make, and against the tide of my feelings, my whole emotional makeup, and the conditioning of a lifetime, and in that moment I stepped into heaven's point of view. It felt foreign to me, looking over at him sitting beside me, but I yielded silently, bittersweetly, to these words that came to me: "If I never see you again on this earth, it will be all right; I am willing to let you go, that God's purposes be accomplished." And so it was decreed.
Just immediately after that, Michael's article, Between Two Worlds came out, and the little attending picture looked almost identical to the picture in my mind's eye, of me standing on that line between heaven and earth. How grateful I am for the great cloud of witnesses that have attended every event in this new land.
The grieving process I then went through only revealed to me how much I had put this human being in the place of God. He was the embodiment of all my attachments to the earth, for he was the greatest one, besides my own self. Michal gave me this key to convey me through the gate to freedom that this experience proved to be: She told me that when the painful thoughts and feelings come, not to resist or suppress them, "or Father won't be able to do the deep emptying work He wants to do in your heart." Instead, she told me to simply yield them up to the Father, each and every time. "Here I am, yielding these feelings up to You, Father."
And oh, miracle of redeeming grace, it did indeed do its deep, cleansing work in my heart. The yielding Spirit of the Bride did for me that which was humanly impossible, and I knew then that if He could break that attachment, there was no chain binding me to the earth that He could not break. "Yea, and thy own life also." Praise
As I live, says the Lord God, surely with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm and with wrath poured out will I be King over you. And I will bring you out from the peoples...and I will bring you into the wilderness of the peoples, and there will I enter into judgment with you and contend with you face to face...And I will cause you to pass under the rod as the shepherd does his sheep when he counts them, and I will count you as Mine and I will constrain you and bring you into the covenant to which you are permanently bound. Eze. 20:33-41 Amplified.
