It was the next day that the Father brought me face to face with the first intimation that there was a possibility that I needed to prepare for a literal consummation instead of a metaphorical one. The shock hit my thoughts and feelings like a tidal wave. All I could do was lay down and consciously yield myself completely to the Father's keeping power. It was far too great for me to even begin to deal with. The words that the Father had put in my mouth in the very first e-mail I sent to Messiah, "I must be consummated with God's Anointed One in His appointed way," and which I had sent to Him verbatim, suddenly struck my heart with a meaning I hadn't before conceived. All I could do was keep abandoning myself to the Father, and listen for what He would say to me next. I had nothing with which to judge this strange turn of events, for I had yielded my judgment up to the Father. All I knew was that the same Voice that had always led me, and which I had always followed and found trustworthy, was now calling me to face this possibility. Through the perplexity of it all, I felt His comforting presence surrounding me, and I found the words in my mouth, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me."
In the past when God had brought me to a crossroads in my experience, He had always given me a second witness confirming the direction of His leading. For this I now waited. It wasn't a matter of deciding if I wanted to obey God or not. That had been settled long ago when I received the gift of the Faith of Jesus into myself. The cost of following God had already been counted. I knew then that I was giving up my "right" to my own life. Now I felt utterly dependent on the Father as I waited for Him to communicate with me further regarding this incomprehensible possibility.
The Lord would have his people, under all circumstances, manifest implicit trust in Him. Although we cannot always understand the workings of His providence, we should wait with patience and humility until He sees fit to enlighten us. ST 8-10-82.
The great eternal Father has prepared a marriage feast for His Son. …Make ready for the marriage of the Son of God…" 1 SAT 8.
After the initial shock from the Father, intimating that the consummation of the ages might be a literal event, it then seemed that He was leading me to believe that like Abraham, He had only been testing my heart to see if I were willing to do His will, no matter what it looked like He was requiring of me. His words to my heart were, Now I know that thou lovest and fearest God, seeing thou has not withheld thy self from Me.
It was shortly afterwards that I began finding unexpected thoughts coming to my mind, along with specific Scripture passages and the distinct awareness that a divine Hand was determinedly moving me to look again at the real possibility of a physical consummation with the Son.
For many years I had kept a Prayer Journal in an organizer, recording the daily words of the Father to me. But with the coming of Messiah, I was drawn out and away from my home on long walks to be alone with Father. I never knew when the Father was going to begin speaking to me about something, or when I would find His Spirit breathing in me those divine yielding and responsive words to Him. So I began carrying a little pocket memo book. I felt the need to record those divine transactions which I found myself continually experiencing, that I might grasp the full import of the moment and follow the process He was bringing me through. Sometimes I didn't see the significance of what He was saying at the moment, until I read back over His words to me that led up to that moment. I could then follow the current of thoughts He was unfolding, and trace the way in which He was leading me to His conclusions.
Recently, I came across the following words, which I had written down verbatim, as the yielding Spirit of the Anointing breathed its response to the Father's intimations in me.
August 7, 2000
I have let go of all of my familiar moorings, my checks and balances, my human interpretations and projections, and I find myself launched out into the vast unknown ocean of the Father's safekeeping. "Conduct me as Thine own and help me still to say, My God, Thy will be done."
For a gin and for a snare.*
*I found this Scripture phrase to be from Isa. 8:14. As I look back now I see that the Father was intimating one of His reasons that "the marriage of the Lamb" be a physical event.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high, and order all things far and nigh. To us the path of knowledge show, and cause us in her ways to go.
"I am not afraid of Light." *
*I recognized the Spirit of the Anointing saying those words in first person, as me. It was said so sweetly and innocently and trustingly. The Anointing wasn't afraid of where it appeared the Father might be leading. The effect of those words brought my soul into the trusting feelings of the Anointing.
But restful, calm and pliant, from bend and bias free,
Awaiting Thy decision where Thou hast need of me
Live out Thy life within me, in all things have Thy way
I the transparent medium Thy glory to display.Ready to go, ready to stay
Ready my place to fill
Ready for service lowly or great
Ready to do Thy will."Have Thine own way Lord,
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting yielded and stillThe hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.*
*I felt keenly the weight of the issues at stake which the Father kept intimating to me. I knew that much hinged on me being true to the Father's unexplainable leadings.
For I am about to be sacrificed, my life is about to be poured out as a drink offering; the time of my spirit's release from the body is at hand and I will soon go free. 2 Tim. 4:6-8 Amplified.
Jesus offered Himself a willing sacrifice.
For the next two months, I was to find myself divinely toggled back and forth between these two opposite pathways regarding the final outcome of the Father's intimations.
Recently, I came across the following description of what I was experiencing during that time, written down in one of my little pocket memo books. I had also seen the Father taking others through this same process regarding their work, or God's will for them in other areas.
September 9, 2000
Quite apart from ourselves, we find ourselves being taken back and forth between two or more possibilities or options that seem to be providentially opening before us. This specific process that the Father Himself uses with His children is becoming clear. At times it looks like the Father is opening up one way, and at other times, the exact opposite. Some of the paths that seem to be opening providentially are spiritual or physical fulfillments to things we have deeply desired all of our lives, and some are of a nature we have never considered before. At times, providence seems to be leading toward one, only to close the door and open up the distinct possibility and probability of another. One day you are being prepared for one, and the next day for the exact opposite. These pathways can be physical or spiritual, or not clear which.
*I experienced the following words from songs, Scripture verses, and words of inspiration as a reciprocal divine conversation in my soul between the Father and the Spirit of the Anointing within me, Who was yielding responsively to the Father's words. As I simply wrote down what was coming to me, I felt my soul being rendered pliable and moldable in the Father's hands, by the power of their meaning to my heart.
Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid? Your heart does the Spirit control? You will always be blest and have peace and sweet rest when you've yielded Him body and soul.
Mold me and make me after Thy will, while I am waiting, yielded and still.
Thy perfect ways have won my will, brought submission, quiet and still.
When the soul is perfectly yielding ["Here I am, Father, yielding completely to your power and safe keeping,"] it loses all its own consistency, so to speak, in order to take any moment the shape that God gives it. Madame Guyon.
The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord: Arise and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause you to hear My words. Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he was working at the wheel. And the vessel that he was making from clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter; so he made it over, reworking it into another vessel as it seemed good to the potter to make it. Then the word of the Lord came to me:…Can I not do with you as this potter does?" says the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand. Jer. 18:1-6 Amplified.
O Lord of Hosts, Who knows those who are righteous and examines the deepest thoughts of hearts and minds, I have committed my cause to You. Therefore I will sing out in thanks to the Lord. Jer. 20:12,13 LB.
As for me, I am helpless and in your power — do with me as you think best. Jer. 26:14 LB.
A union with Christ (the Messiah) by living faith [the divine faith of the Father's Anointing within you] is enduring; every other union must perish… But this union costs us something. It is a union of utter dependence, to be entered into by a proud being. All who form this union must feel their need. They must submit their [own] will to the will of God. There will be a struggle with outward and internal obstacles. There must be a painful work of detachment, as well as a work of attachment. Pride, selfishness, vanity, worldliness must be overcome, if we would enter into a union with Christ (Messiah)…Until the heart is surrendered unconditionally to God, the human agent is not abiding in the True Vine, and cannot flourish in the Vine, and bear rich clusters of fruit. God will not make the slightest compromise with sin. 5BC 1144.
Abraham was taken through the process of being mentally torn between two opposing commandments of God - "Take now thy son, thy only son whom thou lovest and offer him as a burnt offering…" and, "Thou shalt not kill." His excruciating test revealed that his character had been rendered perfectly willing as He was taken to the very edge of carrying out the Father's command.
Without jumping to conclusions, or having a preference for, or shrinking from, any of the paths before me, I am content for the Father to toggle me back and forth — "Is this consummation metaphorical? or is it literal?" until I am "restful, calm, and pliant, from bend and bias free, awaiting Thy decision where Thou hast need of me. Held without restless longing, or strain or stress or fret, or chaffings at Thy dealings, or thoughts of vain regret." I am content to let the outcome be whatever the Father makes it. I am in His hands.
I distinctly remember one day spontaneously exclaiming out loud to the Father, You can lead me to believe anything You want me to believe! And You always "help me still to say, My Lord, Thy will be done." How clearly He was demonstrating that to me. After looking at the evidences He would bring before me that the consummation was going to be a literal event, and I would yield up to Him anew in the light of it; then He would seem to indicate that the "marriage of the Lamb" would be as we had thought in the beginning, a deep union of the Spirit between us, and that the Father wasn't requiring a physical relationship of us. One week He was leading me to believe the consummation was going to be a literal event, and the next week He was leading me to believe that we would only be taken to the very edge, like Abraham was.
I clearly saw that it was within the realm of possibility for me to "save myself" from this unexplainable process and refuse to let Him lead my mind down a path that seemed to be taking me where I wouldn't naturally go. I saw that I could deliberately take myself out of His hands, and make the decision to "take care of myself," and keep myself "safe." Yet, how could I really do that? I had experienced too much of His intimate care and leading to deny that it was the Father Himself Who was taking me through this process. You can lead me to believe anything You want me to believe, was not only an exclamation of obvious fact to me, but it was also a statement of continued yielding up. I was consenting for Him to have His full way with me, even though I didn't understand His purposes in it.
I saw and felt how completely "at His mercy" a truly yielded up soul is to Him. Yet this place of being "at His mercy," was so sweet. I had tasted taking care of myself, and I didn't want to go back to that hell. I really was His; I was not my own. He could do whatever He wanted to do with me.
Recently someone asked Michael, What does it mean to give myself to You? His answer puts words on the testing process that the Father was personally taking me through at that time, revealing the bottom line of full surrender to God, and the implicit trust in Him that is required in order to be able to surrender completely to Him.
Giving yourself to Me is when you enter into trusting Me with Your life and everything else. Think of the worst picture. Think of the worst thing that God could require of you. If there is anything that God could ask of you, and you would say, God, that is asking too much of me! If there is, then He will ask it of you. You can't negotiate with God. Whatever He asks of you, then you do it. Giving yourself to Me means you don't have your self to protect you with any more. This is a big decision and serious, but its absolutely essential. Father holds Me responsible for you. I follow His instructions and He holds Himself responsible for Me. If you are undefended by your self, then Father defends you. Michael
During those times when the possibility of a literal consummation with the Son was before me, I was continually required to consciously and deliberately abandon myself in implicit trust to the keeping power of the Father. Abandon means "to forsake entirely; to leave with a view never to return; to give up or resign without control." "Faith is trust. By faith I mean a trust in God's unknown, unfelt, untried goodness and mercy." Martin Luther
The Father understood how unsettling this turn of events was to me. My computer is full of daily notes that trace the Father's divine perspective which He was continually re-inforcing to me during that time, and confirming the divine rightness of the path in which He was gently forcing me forward. I remember one Friday in particular, all day long I was feeling keenly the need of the Father's reassuring words to my heart. I wasn't even sure exactly what my discomfort was, but I felt very much drawn out to Him. I was awakened early Sabbath morning with three definitive words from the Father, "Hear Ye Him!"
July 29, 2000
Dearest Michael,
True to Your words, yesterday was a day of testing. Not so much in the morning and afternoon, but in the evening all sense was removed, and I was required to rest in what I knew. I felt such a need to be deepened in it. I felt I could relate so much with the way Jesus felt as His calling was opening up to Him at the age of twelve. "As His mission had opened to Jesus in the temple, He shrank from contact with the multitude. He wished to return from Jerusalem in quietness, with those who knew the secret of His life. DA 82. When I went to bed, the adversary was still attempting to obscure my view of the current heavenly realities, by relentlessly pressing upon me the heavy veil of seeing only through human eyes. I was feeling greatly desirous for the Father to refresh me with His specific perspective.
This morning the first words Father spoke to me were: "Hear ye Him." As I got up to look up those words in the Bible, He spoke the rest of the verse to me, "THIS IS MY BELOVED SON, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye Him." Matt. 17:5. Father, Your confirming words bring such comfort and clarity to me, after the long pressure of yesterday.
I was led to the following inspiration.
In His Sermon on the Mount, Christ taught His disciples precious lessons in regard to the necessity of trusting in God. The Saviour pointed His followers to the birds of the air as they warbled their carols of praise, unencumbered with thoughts of care, for "they sow not, neither do they reap." And yet the great Father provides for their needs. The Saviour asks, "Are ye not much better than they?" Matthew 6:26. ... Will not the Author of our being, the Preserver of our life, the One who formed us in His own divine image, provide for our necessities if we but trust in Him? SC 123.
Those who profess to be the children of God dishonor their Heavenly Father when they manifest unbelief. RH 9-18-88.
You lift me up and make me stand
With Christ on heavens tableland
A higher plane than I have found
You lead me on to higher ground — to a higher view, to a more inaccessible place, out of reach of the adversary's point of view.Jesus my heart's dear refuge
Jesus has died for me
Firm on the Rock of Ages
Ever my trust shall beFather, glorify thy name. Then came there a voice from heaven, saying, I have both glorified it [in all the evidence that I have given you that it is My beloved Son with Whom you have to do], and will glorify it again [I will continue to reveal more evidence to confirm your faith in Him.]." John 12:28.
The Father led me to the following quote which is speaking of John the Revelator as he looked down to the close of time in vision and described what he saw.
John saw the mercy, the tenderness, and the love of God blending with His holiness, justice, and power. He saw sinners finding a Father in Him of whom their sins had made them afraid… AA 589.
He was seeing the very thing I am experiencing now — I am finding my Father, as You are revealing His preciousness to us! The following verses brought such comfort to my heart. They completely removed the veil of human earthly perspective that the adversary was seeking to intrude into the unfolding purposes of the Father. I saw that You are demonstrating before the universe the Father's feelings for His yielded people.
For as a young man marrieth a virgin…and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee. Isa. 62:5.
"He will save, He will rejoice over thee with joy; He will rest in His love; He will joy over thee with singing." Zeph. 3:17. And heaven and earth shall unite in the Father's song of rejoicing:" COL 207
In both the Old and the New Testament, the marriage relation is employed to represent the tender and sacred union that exists between Christ and His people. To the mind of Jesus the gladness of the wedding festivities pointed forward to the rejoicing of that day when He shall bring home His bride to the Father's house, and the redeemed with the Redeemer shall sit down to the marriage supper of the Lamb. He says, "As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee." "Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken;…but thou shalt be called My Delight;…for the Lord delighteth in thee." "He will rejoice over thee with joy; He will rest in His love, He will joy over thee with singing." Isa. 62: 5,4; Zeph. 3:17. When the vision of heavenly things was granted to John the apostle, he wrote...Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to Him; for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife hath made herself ready." "Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb." Rev. 19:6,7,9. DA 151
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